“Lord, please. I need you to take this insecurity from me.” I ached and my mind raced to all of the desires I’d held so tightly to…wanting so badly to step into full-time ministry, but I didn’t exactly know what that meant or looked like.
After a season of burnout and overworking both in a full-time job and a volunteer role at my local church, I was at a place of anxious turmoil – afraid of letting people down.
As I sat in solitude and positioned myself toward imaginative prayer. My body full of anxiety, and my mind knew I needed to make a change, but I was so full of insecurity. I just remember the feeling of being scared, not enough, full of shame, and afraid to put myself out there. I wanted to shrink back.
I pictured myself speaking with Jesus alone. We typically met in a field of wildflowers. This time, we were in nature, in creation, but the background blurred and my focus came upon Jesus. I asked him to free me of this insecurity.
Jesus then had a garment of clothing that was folded neatly across his two hands – like a little package. On top, a tiara – dainty and unimpressive, but radiating with beauty. If I were to wear a crown, this is the one it would be. It’s not too showy but simple and made to make the wearer show off their beauty along with it.
I took the small folded package. I put on the garment – a robe. It was light weight, iridescent, and see-through with golden trim along the edges. As I put it on, I could feel my shoulders moving from a slouched, curved, posture to a straight and heightened one.
The tiara adorned my head as I stood in the presence of my creator and friend.
I asked Jesus, what is this called? He replied “Security.”
…he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo and a bride a jeweled tiara.
Isaiah 61:10
Then my timer went off and my centering prayer time was over.
I was recalling the vision with my Spiritual Director later in the week. She said, “Well, it sounds like the robe of righteousness.” I looked at her dumbfounded and she walked to her table to pull out her bible and flipped to Isaiah 61.
She read me Isaiah 61:10 – “I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. “
Tears streamed down my face as she read. What a gift God gave me. What a blessing to be so direct and not only help remind me that I don’t have to live in anxious insecurity, but to keep my robe of righteousness on. There have been several times that I have been fearful or worrying about something and he reminds me that I’m not wearing the robe and crown. He has even said, “why aren’t you wearing your robe?” I’m always surprised by how I forget and then how confident I feel after I put it back on. It’s like I know truth and freedom. It’s like I’m reminded that Jesus is the truth and in him, I am set free.
With that, I’ve decided to name my business & ministry Robe and Crown. Today, I read Isaiah 61 in its entirety. Wow. God keeps me in tears and in a place of honor. I’m so grateful that he has invited me into this story with him. As Jesus wears the robe of salvation and crown of jewels, so do we because of his sacrifice of exchanging death for life.
