Grace-Fueled Healing Through Spiritual Direction

God has become bigger and kinder than I’ve ever known. Completing my Spiritual Direction program with SoulFormation has truly transformed my life.

As we began our last session, the question was posed: “What is a grace and a grief you’re feeling right now?” I’ve always disliked these types of classroom discussions, often feeling distracted by the fact that all eyes are on me. My heart pounds in my chest, and my mind races to form a cohesive, eloquent thought. Usually, I’m so focused on seeking others’ approval that I struggle to share thoughts that feel both meaningful and authentic.

But this time was different. My response was gratitude.

I shared how my heart was filled with appreciation for the grace God has shown me over the past five years. I spoke about the opportunities I’ve had to trust Him during times of being laid off, starting a new business, and facing the uncertainty of not having a secure, consistent paycheck. I talked about the chance to surrender my whole self to Him and His will by revealing my truest desires. I discussed the moments when He showed me how I had walled myself off from relationships and joy, as well as the opportunities to rearrange our finances while He provided for our needs.

These experiences were grace – tangible moments and invitations for me to fall deeper in love with Him.

I recently heard Mark Batterson say, “In the beginning, God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and those four words are still creating galazies at the outer edge of the universe.”

What God is showing me is that He is so vast, and His love is so grand that I can hardly comprehend it. Yet, He knows me intimately and desires nothing more than for my heart to yearn for Him and seek His presence.

God doesn’t operate within the limits of space and time. While our finite experiences may seem powerful to us, God’s power takes our finite realities and makes them infinite. We cannot fully understand how our prayers and actions affect time and space ahead of us, but we can walk in the Spirit, guided by a good and gracious God.

I’ve found that God invites us into moments that stretch us, often resulting in grief. For me, that manifested as fear and anxiety.

Jerry Sittser, a professor I had in college, tragically lost his wife, mother, and daughter in a car accident. In his book, A Grace Disguised, he says, “The quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise.”

While I’m not suggesting that my grief is comparable to the loss of loved ones, betrayal, or abuse, it’s important to recognize that grief appears in many forms. God invites us to walk through grief rather than around it.

My grief stemmed from shedding my spiritual immaturity, which allowed me to be open to what God had in store for me. I learned to live fully awake to the abundance of a grace-filled and joyful life. I had to remain open to His love.

Throughout the past five years, I have identified lesser ways of living in contrast to embracing the greater power of God’s love. Here are some examples:

• Sleepless nights filled with fear < A rescue only He can provide
• Observing Stations of the Cross < A gentle prompting to seek therapy
• Tearful walks among the trees < Healing generational sins
• Strangers and vulnerability < Deep and meaningful community turned into lasting friendships
• Anxious presence and coping mechanisms < Increased self-awareness and the desire to act when my tendencies surface
• Appreciation for nature < Recognizing the beauty of life and God’s fingerprints on creation
• Responsibilities of life < The ability to co-create with the God of the universe

As I have navigated this journey, I am emerging not limping, but stronger. Now, as a certified Spiritual Director, I have a completely different approach to living life. I see beauty I had previously overlooked. I experience joy even when it doesn’t make sense. I cultivate compassion when it feels challenging. I truly believe that God loves me.

As I reflected to the others in the room during my last in-person gathering for the School of Spiritual Direction, I’ll say it again: I am different.

Question to consider:

How might God be inviting you into your own transformation?

Journal Prompt:

Take time to reflect and pay attention to your spiritual life. Remember that every step of the journey holds the potential for grace, growth, and deeper connection with Him.